A testimony at the Monday night home meeting when covering 'live grace-enjoying life for God's good pleasure'

a lot of energy and zeal to serve the Lord. There was nothing wrong with that. I mean, we just loved the Lord, and we wanted to do things. We just set about to do because we didn't really have this wonderful ministry back then, so I was doing a lot of things in serving. I couldn't stop myself. I didn't know that I was supposed to stop my self. But the Lord has a way. And basically that big stopping was four children in five years. That stopped me. That was the Lord's way of stopping me. I knew it was the Lord. I didn't understand why. I just thought it was good - what I was doing, but He stopped us.I wish I could say that was the end of my self back then, that was just his getting my attention. but day by day we lay ourselves aside and we check in and inquire of the Lord, "Who are you doing this? Are You in this?" Even all the little minor details. What to prepare for the home meeting? What to cook? That has to be the Lord. or else just ends up being hard to do. takes too much energy and you get tired and worn out. but if you 're enjoying the Lord and if grace is there, something is worked into us that produces something the Lord can enjoy. It is not easy to explain, but there's a big difference between self effort and doing things by grace.

A testimony at the Monday night home meeting when covering 'live grace-enjoying life for God's good pleasure'

[Recording 16]

My field project

It's really amazing considering many little and big things that have happened throughout this semester since I registered for the class called 'Sociocultural Influences on Learn.'

- The house where I've been living happened to be very closed to Joslin Elementary school.
 It's a walk of 5 minutes.
- The ALD course that I've been taking is mainly about Mexican American education, and most of the kids at Joslin have Mexican ethnic background.
- I met the sister working in that school at the very beginning of the semester in a saint's house when we were having the college outing; there were dozens of other houses that I could've been assigned to.
- A few weeks ago, my host grandpa told a story about how people (related to Austin ISD) never could change the neighborhood about re-drawing the boundaries regarding racial integration. That added a new dimension in my understanding the community I was interested in for my project.
- I went to another home meeting for Friday and met two kids that go to Joslin there. They live right next to the house where the home meeting was and they always come over to the house to play with their American grandpa and grandma. The host family told me how they began to pick up a burden to take care of them becoming their grandparents.
- I went on a blending trip with the Monday night home meeting members to Mission and Edinburg which border Mexico.

April 2nd, 2014

I think I picked the perfect book for my Wednesday appointment with Rebecca and Lisa. The book is called "The Law of the Revival." When I first came to Camila's house, she had been reading this book for a while, and I was reminded of this book several months later; finally, chose to read with them.



*Today's highlights: 

Some serving ones are living and fresh.
Others are down and oppressed and want to withdraw from the service.
Both conditions show that the saints are living according to their feelings. Their relationship with the Lord is based on their emotions.

A particular point in the first stage ( of the Song of Songs) is that there is not much revelation of the beloved to his seeker, based on her experience and feeling. Our knowledge of the Lord in the initial stage is mainly from our experience. ... Her praises and pursuit are an expression of her subjective experience and subjective feelings. Although this is precious, she cannot go forward if she remains in these experiences. She lacks objective knowledge and utterance; everything is subjective. Believers who fall into subjectivity tend to become shallow. If we desire to be deep, we must have objective vision. 

In verses 8-9, she sees her beloved leaping and skipping upon the mountains and hills like a young hart. The seeker sees an objective vision. Our environment is full of "mountains" and "hills." Our situation is truly difficult. It is in this kind of situation that we need a vision, an objective seeing, a further knowledge of the Lord. 

The experience of the second stage is not a matter of the Lord giving us rest and satisfaction but of our seeing Him as the resurrected Lord, who has the power and vitality to leap upon the mountains and skip upon the hills in His move. The Lord calls her, saying, "Rise up, my love, My beauty, and come away." This is a matter of moving, not of enjoyment. For our enjoyment we need satisfaction and rest, but for our move we need power and vitality. In such an atmosphere of resurrection and freshness the Lord wants His seekers to rise up and come away with Him. 

March 30th, 2014

1.
My housemates and I went to St. Edward to see Blue bonnets blossoming and take some pictures with those flowers as background. To me, it's really interesting to know that some people in the world come up with the blue flower when they think of spring. I've never considered blue one of colors for spring; rather, what I usually expect is soft pink color - Cherry blossom.

2.
Today's Prophesy Meeting
Week22: Two Wells - Two Source of Living
Gen. 21:15-34

Gen. 21:33 "And Abraham planted a tamarisk tree in Beer-sheba, and there he called on the name of Jehovah, the Eternal God."

Even though I didn't get to share my portion this morning, there's something that I enjoyed during this week. I haven't experienced homesick yet, but there's one thing I can't get used to - taking a city bus. On my way back home on last Wednesday, I couldn't do anything on the bus for the whole hour (It usually takes me 45-50 minutes) because I was so tired. I just kept dozing off, but it made me more exhausted since the bus was really bumpy. When I got off at the bus stop near my place, I said to the Lord, "Thank You Lord for dropping me off." I was just so thankful that I could get out of that crazily bumpy bus.  

I took the same bus the very next morning, but this time, it was joyful to be on the bus. I prayed over the verse Gen. 21:33; suddenly, I became happy realizing that a mortal man like me can call on the name of the Eternal God. I prayed, "Lord, I call on Your name, the Eternal God this morning. Some failures that I had yesterday are not real because they pass away. Even my success is not real. But, You are the only One who's true and real. You're hidden, concealed, and mysterious God, yet I can call on Your name! You can be experienced and expressed through men. How You're so available and real to me!"

The tamarisk tree planted by the well of an oath in Beer-sheba pictures the flow of the riches of life, the issue of the experience of the tree of life. The Bible connects the planting of the tamarisk tree with calling on a new title of the Lord, the Eternal God. If we want to call on His newly unveiled title, El Olam, we need to have this tamarisk tree experience.

I couldn't help but sang a song on the bus, of course in a quiet voice. "How mysterious, yet how real! God as life to man is shown! God Himself now flows in me!"


---
My host grandmother shared on the same verse that I enjoyed. Here's what she spoke - paraphrased:
One characteristic of the tamarisk tree is flexibility. The branches easily move as the wind blows. The characteristic of the human is different. We begin to get set and want to be settled since when we're 20.
You know, Bill and I are in our seventies. It would seem that we had to fade into the background, but this life keeps bubbling up. It seems like it has no realization of how old we are. This life is indestructible and never changing. It just keeps going! Source determines outcome. When we drink from the well of life, we receive His life and the life is the eternal life!

March 26th, 2014

Today, I really had to deny myself to go back to campus for the bible study after my observation at Joslin school. My route for today was like this: home> UT> home> Joslin> home> UT> Lucia's> home. I usually take a bus to get to the campus from home, and it takes about 45 minutes and vice versa. I spent, therefore, more than 3 hours just commuting back and forth. I wanted to take a long nap after playing with the kids in the schoolyard, but I took the bus again to share my little portion in the bible study and go to Lucia's. Well, it was worth it. SeEun, Ailey, Lydia, Jose, Martha and I got invited for the dinner tonight by Lucia and Alfredo. We all had a good amount of Mexican food and had sweet fellowship - our college life before the Lord, the matter of coming to the well of Issac (source of the river of the water of life), our growth in the Lord, etc.

I'd like to describe what we enjoyed in more details, but I should go to bed at least earlier than last night. I'll add details later.

on Tuesdays

I've been doing a classroom observation at Joslin elementary school, near my house, where most of the students are Hispanic.That is a part of my field project in socio-cultural influences on learn class. I think should've taken at least one beginner Spanish course back in Korea, because some of the kids there respond in Spanish when I say something in English. I was really nervous of going to the school and meeting kids but realized they're just so cute. Last week was the second time meeting them. They recognized me and grinned broadly toward me. After saying Hi, I sat down on a tiny chair, so I got down at their eye level. Suddenly they were in a line to hug me with wide-opened arms. Even though I had to run a lot playing with them, I just can't wait to see them again. They were so adorable that I even forgot why I went there. I don't know how my research paper is going on.

-

Unlike the rest of the people in our group for the trip to Cali, a heart-pounding class was 'Children, Young people, Campus work,' among the many classes in the training. It was about how to lead the young people. It even brought a tear to my eye, maybe because I had been serving for the high school students for two years before coming to the U.S. I left my babies in Korea. I tried my best to write everything the brother spoke in his message, which was quite challenging to me because of the language barrier. 

----

1 Thessalonians 2:7-8

But we were gentle in your midst, as a nursing mother would cherish her own children. Yearning in this way over you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own souls, because you became beloved to us.

2 John 12 

... I am hoping to be with you and to speak face to face that our joy may be made full. 

The requirement for the young people is heart, having an interest in them. Consider the heart that Paul had for Timothy. Paul said, "I want this one to go with you." This is personal contact, not giving a message. Be with me. Something of his being, heart, and burden is imparted into that person. Don't talk spiritual things too early before you have personal contacts with them. Do not give them a lot of doctrines, give them something practical. Make the points applicable to their daily personal situation because young people have many practical problems. Sense their feelings. 

Let's take 5 minutes to study their problems.

- BGR

- Friends

- Parents

- Loneliness

- Social issues

- School works

It's complex. The meetings can't meet their every need. You can't do these things in meetings.

Big meetings do not have much effect on young people. To take care of young people, you don't need meetings but personal contacts. 

Serving for the young people in our locality, we asked, "How do we get more serving ones?" 

But, you know, we don't need serving ones. They need the church. The church is the container for them. The work is not the container. We have to get them into the homes. The container for our gospel work is home. 

So then, I could still tell you. We were siting at the meeting. We were tired. We had our homes open. Wives were burnt out. On Friday, we did the young people. On Saturday, we did the young people. We didn't have home meetings. Young people liked us, loved us, but we were not getting them. They were leaving us. They didn't want to be with the saints but with the young people. Something was wrong with them. 

Oh...

We didn't know why. where the problem was.

The church is the destination. We began to preach to the young people. You need the church life. You need small groups. You need the church. You need the saints to be mingled with. This is real family life. You become known by them. They become their friends. This was our answer. We don't need more serving ones. 'You' need the church and they need the church. 

When was the last prophesying meeting we had? What about home meeting? We were even not in the church life. We stopped any work. How can we bring them in where we were even not in. Wives were worn out, I was worn out. 

The personal shepherding has to take place in the context of the church life. I said to the young people. Let's consider one another. I need the church, and you need the church. Companion is me, the old guy. 'You' will be their companions. They need 'You.' 

I got a phone call. We got some young people to the home meeting. Also we had to fight for the concept. Home meeting is not for the campus work, but the church life. We want to bring them into the church life as early as possible. We want young people to know and experience the church life. 

There is only one place that's safe - church life.

Tell Him

I've been staying in Grace garden in Anaheim, CA as a short-term trainee for the spring break. The schedule is very tight and intense, but I believe it's worth spending my whole week here. During my stay here so far, I was encouraged again and again to read the Bible and the ministry that opens up the Bible to learn the truth in a deeper and a higher way. I'm posting this just because I have a spare moment by chance.


-
Mark 6:27-31
And immediately the king sent a guard and ordered him to bring his head. And he went out and beheaded him in the prison, And brought his head on a platter, and gave it to the girl, and the girl have it to her mother. And when his disciples heard about it, they came and took his corpse and pout it in a tomb. And the apostles gathered together to Jesus and reported to Him all that they did and all that they taught. And He said to them, Come by yourselves privately to a deserted place and rest a while. For there were many coming and going, and they did not even have opportunity to eat.

Matthew 14:12-13
And his disciples came and took the corpse and buried it; and they came and reported the matter to Jesus. And when Jesus heard this, He withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place privately.


There's nothing that's too small for the Lord to listen to. He is willing to listen to everything. He is there waiting to listen us. When the disciples' teacher, John was killed, how could they not be brokenhearted? These are the times when we should draw near to the Lord. He will not rebuke us as being too worldly, too affectionate, or too attached to our dead ones. He knows our emotion, and He sympathizes with our heart. To sympathize means that one can rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. We should bury the corpse, like the disciples of John did, and go and tell the Lord. One can only be drawn closer to the Lord through telling Him everything. Lord is the one to whom we can pour out our heart.

What did the Lord do after He heard His disciples? He said, "Come by yourselves privately to a deserted place and rest a while." Our Lord did not merely tell the disciples to go to the deserted place to rest; He told them to go with Him. The Lord's presence gave them sweet rest and renewed their strength.  

He is the Lord to whom we can tell everything. Since we have such a Lord, why not tell Him all the secrets of our hearts?


Watchman Nee, "Tell Him." The Collected Works of Watchman Nee, 18(34), 1992.

It was a hectic week. I had two exams; one of them was pretty easy, but the other one was actually a bit beyond my capacity - writing a 8-page-long of review essay. I couldn't even text Olivia who invited me over her house for a dinner. I'd like to contact her right away, but I'm leaving for California tomorrow at 7:20.  

"If you're putting on a huge banquet" Quick write

Quick write
You are putting an a huge banquet. All of your friends and relatives are coming. You have plenty of money to spend on food and drink for this celebration. It is going to be the best feast ever. What will you serve?

What kind of banquet is this? The first thing I need to do is to figure out the purpose of this huge banquet. Well, If I'm putting on a banquet, those whom I will invite should be the ones who are somewhat related with church life. In fact, I'm pretty much used to having home parties; I call them home meetings though. I have at least three home meetings a week. Mostly, I'm the one who's invited because I'm a full-time student; however, sometimes, I also invite some people.
According to the bible, man was created as a tripartite man: body, soul, and spirit. (Thessalonians 5:23) Therefore, I would not call it the best feast if I only provide physical food. The best feast would be the one where people can fully rest, be comforted, and satisfied. Since I have plenty of money, I will call several best friends and by them lunch (or dinner) in a decent restaurant to have fellowship about how we could arrange everything for the upcoming banquet. And then, we will meet two more times praying, having a fellowship about the practical matters.
In terms of food, I'm not a picky person at all, so I really don't know what kind of food would be the best. But, I'm sure one of my friend would have something come up in her mind. Such a cooperation will surely lead us to have the best feast ever.

Link for Academic Phrasebank

http://www.phrasebank.manchester.ac.uk/introductions.htm

Frequently used phrases for academic essays

An Ordinary Sort of Morning

Writing Project2 - Descriptive Writing Assignment for Writing7 

An Ordinary Sort of Morning

            Hearing the soft sound of my alarm, rather than becoming alert, I feel like I’m a burnt piece of toast stuck in a broken pop-up toaster. All over my sore body, which suffers from on-going muscle pain because of the weight training class I’m taking this semester, lies a huge and thick blanket. Between opening my eyes and actually getting out of the bed is usually a five-minute gap, because it surely takes some time to escape from the toaster, tightly tying down my body. Well, I get over it anyway pretty much every day. I pick up the edge of the forest green colored blanket and pull it over all the way up to the half of a mint green pillow. The next thing I do is dampening the hard and dry toast with not-too-hot water in order to make it a little moist. Then, I’m ready to go get my breakfast.

            I come across a big dining table to get to the kitchen where a chubby refrigerator is full of food and leftovers. On the kitchen table is a dark chocolate wooden basket with bananas, oranges, and apples in it, reminding me of a typical still-life painting by one of the finest artists. When I’m about to reach one of the bananas there, Camila, in her casual but supremely neat clothes, shows up saying “good morning!” with a wide smile. I love her good-morning. It is bright and has vibrant rhythms, but they become slow like “good moooourning.” when I step out of my room around nine o’ clock in the morning, implying that I am supposed to get up far earlier than that.

            While waiting for my cut-in-half bagel to become crispy and get lightly browned, a few pieces of bacon is sizzling on Camila’s pan. Suddenly, the air is filled with the nice nutty smell of sputtering bacon and the delectable smell of a freshly toasted bagel. After cracking two eggs into the other pan, she starts singing hymns very softly but in a way that I can tell she was a music major. Then, I hum the same tune. Once I start singing to myself, she follows my melody. It’s quite amazing how well we can communicate with each other with the songs that we know. Language barriers don’t exist there.

As I take a bite of my evenly cream-cheesed bagel, I check the temperature reading the thermometer hanging on the 200-year-old oak tree standing in the backyard garden. Through a wide French window by the counter I can see most of the garden. Birds are gathering as a group right behind the window. I think their twittering sounds peaceful, but then I hear a rattle. Immediately, the birds fly with flaps. Here is Bill striding out from the garden with a handful of spinach in his left hand and a funny-looking carrot in his right, which has already a bite taken out of it. The garden is called Bill’s garden; gardening is mostly his job along with accounting. He now sits down on his own designated spot that is the crimson, old-fashioned sofa and places his big, black laptop over lap to work.

            The biggest clock in the house strikes with a muffled sound telling me it’s eight sharp. I’m ready to leave for the campus after pouring water into my coffee-colored, stainless steel water bottle. I pass through the work room to go out where a sewing machine has just begun to make regular beats. Sometimes I can’t believe that Camila, who starts working long before even I open a book, is in her mid seventies. Behind her stands me hesitating to say good-bye, a little bit afraid that I might bother her. She notices me, grins broadly, and recites a verse that she has been enjoying this morning in a pleasant, silvery voice. I repeat after her and say, “See you later!” Energized and charged, the one who is leaving the house is not a burnt piece of toast anymore.

Monday Hmtg at the Ards'

"So, to me it's an encouragement. First of all, it's an encouragement that someone will fight for me when I  do have the first defeat, the second defeat which brings on the third which is where he was captured by Chedorlaomer. But, on the other hand, I also have a responsibility, if someone is captured, to fight for the brother."

"... Really, that is not enjoying Christ. That's blaming and condemning which we have no authority to do. Even though Lot had done something terrible, and I agree with Randall, he knew what he was doing. He chose to go put his tent by Sodom and then eventually just ended up living right there in the city. That was his choice, so it would be easy to say, "well, it's what he chose, so just pay the consequences." But, that's not enjoying Christ. Christ's heavenly ministry fights for the brother."

"Once he separated, then it was easy to move into Sodom, and once he moved into Sodom, then if was so easy for him to be captured. Why did four kings come against the five kings? To capture Lot. In other words, if Lot had not gone into Sodom, Sodom would've not have to have four kings; four kings would've not have to come to the five kings. God arranged. God caused the four kings to capture the five kings to capture Lot. So, Abraham could have a way to enjoy Christ. ... What do you expect? If you're going this way, then you are going to get in that trouble, but that was not Abraham's thought, nor was God's. He was the one who set the four kings to capture Lot."

Last night, the home meeting covered "Enjoying Christ in His Heavenly Ministry by Fighting for the brother."It's so enjoyable both to prepare for the meal and to be with the saints in the meeting.  We are all in His body, fighting for each other.



-
Today is the day I participate in Genesis bible study held by CSOS(Christian Students on Campus) at UT. Rebecca told me this morning that a group that was supposed to speak on section 2 needed our group to support since that group is not big enough. Thankfully, the section 2 [Melchizedek - Interceding for and ministering to Abraham] is exactly the same part which we were all sharing last night.


What struck me out was the title for today's reading which is enjoying Christ in His Heavenly Ministry by Fighting for the Brother. At least for me, when we're talking about enjoying the Lord, it's easy to think of eating and drinking for my enjoyment. But, here this message is telling us how to enjoy Christ when we see a brother or a sister is taken captive, and that is fighting for the brother. That's a way of enjoying Him in His heavenly ministry because according to Hebrews 7:25 Christ, the high priest, according to the order of Melchizedek in his heavenly ministry lives always to intercede for us. Today the situation is quite similar that it seems to us  that it's impossible to rescue a brother, like in Genesis 14 there were four kings against five kings to capture Lot. But, he went to fight for him by faith, and actually behind the situation was Melchizedek who is a type of Christ, interceding for him. It's so encouraging to see that there's always a someone who's gonan pray for us when we have failures, and to see that we have a responsibility to be one with Him interceding for our brother, and He is so faithful to minister Himself as bread and wine when we fight for our brother.

Questions come up while studying English

Feb 17th, 2014

What does 'second opinion' mean?

I figured I had about a week and a half left or exchanging leftover baht and rupees before I completely ran out of cash, and the only way to get money from my parents was to return to the never-ending circuit of second opinions. 

** second opinion
is a visit to a physician other than the one a patient has previously been seeing in order to get more information or to hear a different point of view.

February 10th, 2014

Daily pieces

Two things that I found today 
1. I like listening to music (only instrumental) much more than I thought that I would. 
2. The fact that I'm going back to my home country pretty soon is now serving as a new motivation for me. 
 - Actually I've been trying to motive myself to work hard, but failed again and again. However, I just realized that the strong motivation was here. 







Today's Plans 
1. ALD class reading #1 
2. ALD class reading #2 
3. Complete ALD class reading reflection #2
4. Make Academic calender for Spring 2014 
5. Edit my first draft for Writing7 course 
6. Move EDP memo/notes on my laptop to the course packet 
7. Print out the prayers in English document ●
8. Help Camila prepare for the home meeting tonight ●
9. Text Ailey and Jinny to invite ●
10. Clean up the kitchen after Hmtg with Ello ●




At the Ard's 
"The more I talk to Him, the more He talks to me."
Today we had a fellowship about the land which typifies Christ as the promise of the spirit, all-inclusive Christ. Now He is the land where we can live in and live on. 
(Later I'd like to elaborate on what's the difference between 'live in' and 'live on.')
Ailey, at the beginning, quite didn't understand the basic thought about Christ as the good land, but at the end of the meeting she could grab something. While cleaning up the kitchen, Nancy, who usually give a ride to Ailey to the home meeting, called Camila. She said that tonight was a break through to Ailey; she saw something. 
I thanked the Lord very much that He was encouraging me by the cooperation among the saints to shepherd this new one. I've been especially appreciating Nancy's function. 

notes about random stuff

Living here in the U.S., I try to copy down sentences from my daily conversation with others to learn English. The sentences that I write are usually the ones that are not difficult but hard to think of as a foreigner. 


This is my first time in a while.
This doesn't count. 
What kind of service is that?
"Hey, don't seem so surprised."
There's not much traffic. 
It was never like that before. 
It depends on how much you buy there.



Stir our love for You.
Increase our enjoyment of You. 

That's what He is after.  

What struck me was ...  

We gotta go beyond that. 
We can get stuck, and we still have those things. 
What do we need? More appearing. Otherwise we can't go on.

We are making the prayer back to Him. 
We react to God, and God reacts to us; back and forth reaction process
Sometimes, Lord makes things too easy.
Lord put you there. 

He's gone through all the process to become a transfigured seed today.

February 9th, 2014

@ Prophesying Meeting at the Congress hall 

People believe in God for many things. God revealed Himself to these many things; then, people believe. But not until Genesis 15:6 that it says people believed Jehovah and it accounted to him as righteousness. So, when I believe in God to meet all my needs … that does not cause me to be accounted by God as righteous. That’s a big point. Secondly, what if you believed concerning this point, you know, what God opened up this week, it was about God’s inward work in him to bring forth the seed. What that means in our Christian life is to bring forth Christ, because Christ does fulfill God’s purpose. When I believe in God to receive Christ, for Christ to live in me, for Christ to be formed in me, and for me to be built up with the brothers and sisters in Christ, that will fulfill God’s purpose … that’s the faith that makes God happy. When I believe in God to get me a job, to provide me a wife, food on the table … those are good and are all positive, but it’s not the faith that’s going to cause God to account me as righteous. Lord, Christ is in me. Christ is living in me. Christ is being formed in me, and I’m with some brothers and sisters that are experiencing the same thing. I’m even being built up with them in Christ for Your kingdom to come to this earth. That’s what makes God happy. Praise the Lord! What a revelation, brothers and sisters. May we just be continually under this kind of seeing in our Christian life and in our church life. This is the kind of faith that God is wanting from us.

Br. David 

It was Genesis chapter fourteen that Abraham went out, followed the kings and rescued Lot, and that’s where he believed in the God the Most High, Possessor of heaven and earth. It was right after the king of Sodom said to Abraham, “Give me all the people and take all the possession for yourself.” Abraham said, “No.” He says there, “I’ve lifted up my hand to Jehovah, God the Most High, Possessor of heaven and earth,” showing that he believed in God who could provide everything that he needed. It didn’t say at that point Jehovah accounted him as righteous. Then the next chapter starts with, “after these things the word of Jehovah came to Abram in a vision, saying, “Do not be afraid. I’m your shield and exceedingly great reward.” So, there He reveals Himself, and he’s going to take care of Abraham. The ministry points out that probably Abraham was a little bit nervous. Maybe they’re going to come back and try to get retrieval, so he is a little fearful. Then He said, “Fear not.” He takes care of his outward situation, but then he says, “I’m your exceedingly great reward,” showing Abraham a little hint, “I’m what you need,” “I’m your reward.” And then the next word out of Abraham, he didn’t say, “Wow, thank you Jehovah. You are my reward.” Abraham said to Jehovah, “what will you give me, for I’ll go childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus? So, right away he goes back to his need. But here is a thing. Abraham’s need could be mingled with God’s need to fulfill God’s purpose, so here you have a marriage of Abraham’s need and God’s need to fulfill His purpose. Here’s what Abraham says, and he kind of goes back. He says, “That’s not going to be the heir. Don’t worry about that.” He revealed His purpose again to Abraham, but the word of Jehovah came to him, saying, “This man shall not be your heir, but he who comes out from your own body shall be your heir” and then talks about them being the stars and number like the stars, like it says. The point is here; it’s not until our believing is joint to God’s purpose that God says, “That’s what I want.” “I count that as righteous.” You are a mass you have all these things. But the fact, that you are going to join your faith with My purpose - That’s what I’m looking for. That’s what I want to get out of this situation and so to our situation. Many times we are going through the situation and we have needs. It’s not bad to say, “Lord, I need this, I need that.” But, it’s not until our heart somehow has a shift and it’s open and willing to believe, Lord in this circumstance gain what you’re after in me. Lord, in this circumstance produce Christ in me so that out of that could be something for the fulfillment of your purpose. It’s not until that point that God says, “righteous” That faith justifies you for My purpose.  

Br. Zick 

In the late afternoon at the Lord's table meeting, there were lots of fellowship going on about gospel trips in Edinburg and Arkansas, College Outing, and baptism. A sharing from a freshman at UT who got into a home for the first time was very touching. She said, "Thank you for being so attractive a group of people." 

Last week, what was sweet to me was a sister's testimony, ended with saying, "The Italy students love hearing that our God is romantic."

February 8th, 2014 College Outing

For the College Outing, I was in a group with Rebecca, Shield, Lydia, and Ello. First we were invited to Paula Vazquez for lunch. The house was beautifully decorated in a typical Mexican way. There, I eventually got to eat the real Mexican food, not the TexMexican. (but the funny thing was that my housemate was going to cook the real Mexican food for dinner tonight) After having lunch, we sat in a circle and started reading today's portion of ministry message which is about the God of Issac. One third of us couldn't speak English, so a bilingual sister translated after we read one or two sentences. 

I enjoyed this: In Abraham we can see God's purpose and God's demand, but we have to go beyond that. We just can't stay there because we need God's power to be up to His expectations. In Issac, we see God's power which is actually His life within us, enabling us to reach the goal. According to Genesis, Issac didn't do anything but just enjoy and receive what his father had. When we enjoy the Lord, we are infused with Himself; the life in us grows. And that life only can do something for God's purpose. 

We moved to the other home, Bergeleens' for dessert. We were talking about some random things like Jewish education and tiger mother, eating brownies with Bluebell ice cream. Introducing myself to the family, I added, "I'm studying education, and that's why I read the book which was written by a tiger mother." While people were cracking a laugh, a sister looked at me and asked if I'm the one who lives with B and C. I said yes and she said that she is the one that was talking with me on the phone about my field project which is going to be at Josline elementary school. She is teaching kids there. I was so surprised at this Lord's sovereign arrangement because I really needed to meet her to set up time for the volunteering work. I was kind of concerned about that because I didn't want to bother someone whom I've not met face to face, calling and texting. I think she recognized me because I mentioned my major. 

We continued reading the rest part of the message. I appreciated seeing the picture from the God of Abraham, the God of Issac, and the God of Jacob that first we need to know Christ and second we know ourselves to accomplish His goal. It could be paraphrased like this, we have confidence in Christ, but we lose our own confidence. 

It was such a sweet house to house time. 
Can't wait to receive the pictures taken by Lydia.  

02.04.14. Prophesy Meeting

"We just don't know how to go on. we feel like we can't go on. it's too much. we read this wonderful ministry, and it just seems impossible, but we continued on this journey. It didn't seem to matter that we had all these failures. We just continued because God kept appearing. And I just realized in the evening so often when I'm tired I just think I'm gonna quit. but somehow other in the morning the Lord appears. and You are ready to go on. and not only that but so many, that you see that it seems they stopped. They're not on the journey  .Well, it's only for a little while. but we really spent a lot of time this week praying, "Lord, appear. Appear to that one." and sometimes the Lord says call him and you appear to him. I mean if we would be ready in season and out of season to speak something they'll have God's appearing. Call somebody and just speak the truth. The Lord will appear, and they will be strengthened. Praise the Lord this is all we need. God's appearing and their speaking. Not just for us individually but for all the others. Pray and then speak."

Educational Autobiography

Educational Autobiography

February 1st, 2014 (ALD class)

It has been more than six months since I came to UT through a reciprocal exchange program. I have recently started to think about why I came here and what I have gotten out of this new environment so far. Overall, I have been enjoying living here. One of the things I feel most comfortable about is that people are not necessarily interested in which school I was attending to, in my home.

 In South Korea, where I grew up, school has a great role and influence in terms of forming one’s identity. Korean people tell their stories mentioning their school age. They might say, for example, “When I was a 6^th grade, I had an accident,” or “I met him when I was a senior in high school.”  There is a certain term referring to these people, which is ‘school-type human.’

In Korea, it is inevitable to avoid answering the question, “Where do(did) you go to school?” when meeting new people. “I go to Seoul National University,” I say with hesitation; then, spontaneously, I begin to take greater control of the conversation, which is too much for those who have an introverted personality like me. SNU, the top university in Korea, is a magic word that catches people’s attention immediately. If I do something well, it is because I am a SNU student. If I am not good at something, it makes me more human. Korea’s college enrollment rate is more than 80%, the highest among member states of OECD (Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development). It doesn’t mean that much to go to university since everybody does it, but the competition for so-called prestigious universities has been getting higher. That’s because getting accepted to those schools is regarded as a golden opportunity for moving up in the world.

 I was lucky to survive the competition. The education evaluation system is mainly based on multiple-choice and short answer problems. Due to my good memory skills, it wasn’t difficult for me to retrieve what I had learned on the exams. My teachers and neighbors often called me a ‘good daughter’ not always because I obeyed my parents, but mostly because of my good grades in school. My transcript meant that my parents didn’t have to be concerned about my future until I graduate from college(for a while) and didn’t have to spend much money supporting me since I would be able to get a full-ride to go to school..

My parents were proud of me and fully trusted me. They didn’t interfere with my studying. Actually, they were not able to do so with slim finances. My father works at an insurance company, and my mother is an ordinary housewife. It is common to spend over half a million dollars a month for private education per child in Korea. Nevertheless, I tried my best not to pay extra for education other than books. Furthermore, the access to high quality information about entering universities was limited to such people those who were not of upper middle socioeconomic status. I had to gather the information by myself, which is not common in my country.

After starting college at SNU, I realized that my case can be explained by an old saying, “A black hen lays a white egg.” Most of my peers have at least one of their parents who are professionals such as teachers, professors, doctors, etc. Moreover, it is frequently found that their siblings also go to the same school or another university in the top five. For me, “risen from humble family”, however, that’s not the case. My younger brother went to a two-year college to get job training. That’s why I didn’t seem to blend in the university.

 Actually, entering SNU was not my original goal. I had been dreaming of becoming an elementary school teacher for a long time. In order to become a teacher, I had to go to a certain type of colleges for education which is much easier to get into. My parents didn’t stay out of this matter of making a choice of career. They completely supported my idea telling me that a teacher is the best job for women, and they keep saying that when I mention other job.

Applying for SNU was not my own decision, nor my parents, but my teachers strongly urged me to submit my application for the sake of the reputation of my high school. Then I made a mistake in applying for an education college. Due to my mistake, I didn’t get into the college. I wandered for more than a month, though I satisfied the entrance requirements for the best school; I had shut my ears to any other possibilities, because I also firmly believed that there’s nothing better than being a teacher as a woman. Feeling lost, I thought that I should have spent enough time to discover my aptitude to help me in my career exploration.

             My younger brother, who was often compared to me by my parents and neighbors, became more and more unmotivated and lethargic as he advanced through school. One time, he and I had a big fight which was unusual. My mother saw us when he hit me and stopped us fighting. I didn’t say a word to him for some time after that; I was puzzled and hurt deeply by his sudden change of attitude toward me. It took me almost one year to start understanding why he had feelings of hostility toward me.

I was a beneficiary of the school system where my efforts always paid off; on the contrary, my brother was a victim of it. He, as a man, who is expected to support his future family, which is possible only when he gets a good job, was stressed out and jealous of my success in school. His sociability and creativity couldn’t get to sparkle in this school system. Thus, his self-esteem was often in danger. Since then, I have given a lot of thought to the education system. The relationship between he and me was recovered, but I would never forget the hurtful event.

It has now been in trend among college students in Korea to attend a university in other countries for 6 months to one year on an exchange scholarship. In my university, the opportunity is given based on GPA. Especially for the U.S., a 4.0 GPA or more out of 4.3 is required to apply because most of the applicants want to study in the States. I have never reconsidered choosing U.S. among others possibilities including Sweden, Finland, German, Netherlands, Spain, Mexico, China, Singapore, etc. Korea is a country quite far away from the U.S.; however, it’s no exception to “Americanization” taking place among those who have immigrated to America.

   The second Thursday of November is the most important day in Korea when offices and markets open later than usual, and planes can’t land or take off at certain period due to a national college entrance exam. The entrance exam is important because many believe that the lives of the high school seniors will be determined by this exam. In this exam, a grade in English functions as a key indicator of whether he can get admitted to a good school, along with Math. In my ALD327 class, it was very interesting to see that the ‘No Child Left Behind’ movement was related to students’ proficiency in English and Math. Both two countries have emphasis on English and Math for educating their young generation.  

             The English education I had been receiving spontaneously made me think that there exists a race superior to me. Unlike traditional teaching styles concentrating on learning grammar, newer English teachers try a new method which is exposing students to American cultures using mass media. Korean children are most likely to be scolded by their parents if they like watching TV programs more than studying, but watching them in English is even encouraged.  I don’t have experience of racial discrimination during school years in Korea where the population is homogeneous, with few foreigners. Those who have experiences living in the States before were envy of many because they could put their time and effort into improving their grades in other subjects or something productive.

             There are moves to introduce some of U.S. education policies to Korea by a few education executors, who were lucky to have a chance of studying abroad with financial assistance from their parents. However, it seems that we are having hard time adjusting to the system since we haven’t been fully Americanized yet. This is what I experienced throughout my education Here I am, in the States, as a future educator in Korea, still being confused where to place a higher value for better education.